Resentment refers to the bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. By examining this definition, it is easy to identify the two indispensable components of this emotional state – “having been treated unfairly” as the external event that triggers such an emotion, and “bitter indignation” as the internal response towards such an event.
In order to dive into the complex and interlocking causal chain behind such a reaction, first, let us focus on the imagined root cause of this emotion, the said “culprit” who is out of our control. This silent burying of anger and bitterness originates in the belief that everyone, especially us, should be treated fairly. But, how do we define “fairness” in such a context? Due to the partial nature of subjectivity, we tend to subconsciously ascribe the attribute of fairness to many things that are simply desirable for us, especially when we have made an exertion to get them, or the undesirable outcome involves certain violation of rules in our opinion. When the ideal scenario fails to manifest itself in the real life, we think that we do not deserve to be treated so poorly. But the thing is, can this particular interpretation of fairness represent all different forms of fairness? If we dwell upon the fairness of God, or Nature, it might be another story altogether – everything inherently obeys the law of nature, including the people who give us an “unfair” jurisdiction. Our strive for fairness shares the same psychological root that motivates these people to treat us in a seemingly unfair way. Yes, maybe they are trying to deprive us of self-esteem and even happiness. But are they not doing it out of their own psychological deficiencies, such as incompetence, fear, or insecurity? Those who inflicts suffering suffer intensely, and the best defense is not to allow such negativity to eat away our felicity, so that the wrathful fire can only burn the stone-throwers.
Second, let’s focus on the relationship between the internal emotional state and the external event. Is resentment the necessary outcome of being treated unfairly? The answer is seemingly true because we are all culturally programmed to believe that is the case. When we were young, we learned from our parents or teachers that the feeling of bitterness and anger after being unjustly treated is perfectly justified, or rather, it is actually the only “normal” reaction of a living and breathing human being. But that does not make it as inevitable as the force of gravity which makes us stand on the ground, because instead of acting as a force of nature, it acts through cultural conditioning. Imagine, two group of people are from two distinct cultures. The first group are constantly told that everything happens to them represents the will of a divine being, and eventually everything will make sense through the interactions of a very complex web of interrelated events. And the second group are constantly reminded that bad things happen to them because they are not competent enough, or because other people want to harm them for whatever reason. It is easy to imagine the vast difference in attitudes and reactions when these two groups of people are put into the same situation. Suppose they think they are ****unfairly treated by the judge in a football match. The first group will try to reason out the underlying meaning and implications behind such a treatment, leading to more patient understanding before any rash actions, while the second group will tend to become instantly antagonistic towards the judge, dwelling upon their anger and bitterness, maybe eventually become so occupied by these negative thoughts that they decide to unleash a savage verbal attack towards the judge without sufficiently reflecting upon their own potential deficiencies.
Now that we have discussed: 1) our perception of being treated unfairly might originate in the varying definitions of fairness and the highly subjective nature of our experience; 2) the feeling of bitter anger is not the inevitable result of external events, but rather, it is established and reinforced by repetitive cultural conditioning which works in the subconscious level and becomes automatic in our emotional responses. Then, the key question becomes, how do we avoid being resentful after experiencing such events? First, being aware of the cultural conditioning involved in our emotional responses is the essential first step towards improvement. Instead of serving as the exercise of our free will and the fuel for our well-being, resentment is more likely to be the product of the unconscious following of the band-wagon, the “mutiny within”. Second, realize that our mental well-being is still within our grasp, and if after taking all the plausible actions, the injustice remains unchanged, then suspend the judgement of its effects might be more reasonable, because on one knows whether it will lead to bliss or bane amidst the complex web of events. By doing so, we choose to remain open before the unknown, recognize the interrelatedness of everything, and acknowledge that all is involved in the continuous creation of Deus sive Natura.
Note: this piece of writing is an experiment of adopting Utilitarianism and Spinozist metaphysics to alleviate the pain brought by resentment, and does not necessarily reflect the author’s full take on this subject – if you are one of those artists, whose focus must be vastly different, leaning towards the creation of beauty based on experience and understanding, seeking to transform the grotesque into the beautiful instead of merely trying to comprehend the birth of resentment in the intellectual level, then this article can perhaps only serve as an interesting thought experiment, for your burden, your mission, your thorny paths of roses, lie elsewhere.